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Literature Text
- My smile is transparent. I hold all my tears inside. I pretend to be fine but it's apparent, There is something wrong in my mind. The words "I'm fine" constantly escape my lips. My friends, so blind, believe it. Meanwhile I cut my legs, right beneath my hips. Hoping it will fix my problems for a day. Lost in an endless pit. But one day, I lay the knife down. Watching the blood trickle down my skin. And I realize, this is not who I am. My mind has been found. Cutting won't help me. These slices so thin... They add to my pain, and make my world grim. So I'll hold my head high, and walk on down this road less traveled by. Never mind the pain, the stares, the hurtful words. I am not a sin. I am meant to survive. So I'll start my life anew, with a sigh. I know it will be difficult, but I know I will have some help. I know my life is worth something, and that is worth more to me than a thousand words. No more pessimism, no more hatred from me. No longer a helpless whelp. Today, I am a fighter. Because of a promise I made. A promise to make my life what I wanted. No matter what anyone else said.
![[Splatoon] An Inkling's Favorite Game](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/3fd0edf1-f723-4985-af5d-f02b04c60fbd/d8v0li6-e3576ebc-0d87-40b7-8836-5a033d81c186.png/v1/crop/w_184,h_184,x_0,y_5,scl_0.081777777777778/_splatoon__an_inkling_s_favorite_game_by_inuranchan_d8v0li6-92s-2x.png?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9MTEzOCIsInBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcLzNmZDBlZGYxLWY3MjMtNDk4NS1hZjVkLWYwMmIwNGM2MGZiZFwvZDh2MGxpNi1lMzU3NmViYy0wZDg3LTQwYjctODgzNi01YTAzM2Q4MWMxODYucG5nIiwid2lkdGgiOiI8PTEwMjQifV1dLCJhdWQiOlsidXJuOnNlcnZpY2U6aW1hZ2Uub3BlcmF0aW9ucyJdfQ.VIxWfDXZWP9A1v1z-ozxghpprE5ggD5_0xtu5xXjlg4)
![[Splatoon] An Inkling's Favorite Game](https://images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/3fd0edf1-f723-4985-af5d-f02b04c60fbd/d8v0li6-e3576ebc-0d87-40b7-8836-5a033d81c186.png/v1/crop/w_92,h_92,x_0,y_3,scl_0.040888888888889/_splatoon__an_inkling_s_favorite_game_by_inuranchan_d8v0li6-92s.png?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9MTEzOCIsInBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcLzNmZDBlZGYxLWY3MjMtNDk4NS1hZjVkLWYwMmIwNGM2MGZiZFwvZDh2MGxpNi1lMzU3NmViYy0wZDg3LTQwYjctODgzNi01YTAzM2Q4MWMxODYucG5nIiwid2lkdGgiOiI8PTEwMjQifV1dLCJhdWQiOlsidXJuOnNlcnZpY2U6aW1hZ2Uub3BlcmF0aW9ucyJdfQ.VIxWfDXZWP9A1v1z-ozxghpprE5ggD5_0xtu5xXjlg4)
Gift art for 
She wanted me to write a poem for her. SO I dedicate a story about never giving up to her. It has no significance for me...because I stopped thinking like this a few years ago, but I never want you to give up. And I don't think you ever will. 
I meant to upload this yesterday, but no computer time...DX And I wish this was better...
I just couldn't form what I wanted to convey very well...
Happy Holidays Keep being awesome!
More Literature: [link]
She wanted me to write a poem for her. SO I dedicate a story about never giving up to her. It has no significance for me...because I stopped thinking like this a few years ago, but I never want you to give up. And I don't think you ever will. I meant to upload this yesterday, but no computer time...DX And I wish this was better... I just couldn't form what I wanted to convey very well...Happy Holidays
Keep being awesome! More Literature: [link]
© 2010 - 2024 Inuranchan
Comments18
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Overall Vision
Originality Technique ImpactVision: Wow, I was very surprised by the vision in this poem. You really have a deep message here that touched me very deep in the soul. Good job. 4.5 stars
Originality: I felt that the poem was fairly original, but not terribly original. 4 stars.
Technique: Wow. The rhythm was flawless. It had a reverent jump every line. The mixing of rhymes was perfect.
You also really described awkwardness well. You painted a picture of no regrets. You did it without revealing too much, while still hiding something important to the reader.
Impact: The emotion that you show here really has a harsh impact, while still being palpable. As I said, the rhythm really showed an "I'm on a path to redemption". Another interesting thing I wanted to point out is how the reader doesn't really know who the "promise" was to. It could be God, or it could be a girlfriend, whatever.
Great job on this poem, good luck as a writer/poet!